#let's just hope you don't end up here. floof would be pretty pissed

[e-skelly]

well >:( it's not better than mine!!!!! I live in my food truck!!!!!!!

WHAT THE FUCK :( I just love him a lot and have episodes when he's gone :3

my favorite part is when Quackity drags me out of the fountain 🥰

I DO WHAT I WANT LALALALALALA I CAN'T HEAR YOU

very fun 🥰 I wanna roll on the ground with Ghostbur ☹️ AND ALSO CASPER AND ROWAN 😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏

—Wil

ok, I won't argue with you

that.. doesn't sound very normal. I understand, but it's not very normal or healthy

sounds fun, I guess?

ok, but you're probably upsetting people who care about you when you do that, so maybe keep that in mind

that sounds like a good time. maybe we'll end up popping over there at some point, who knows?

[malaks-perch]

wine tasting

consul valerius x reader

everyone loves a pain in the ass...

warnings: maybe some innuendoes? floof. spice and everything nice. soft angst, but i dont think so. sofff valerius? spicy valerius👌👌 swearing. i think there's swearing

a/n: sorry this took so long @taeguccibracelet and i think its kinda short. lil fast paced too. my ask is open.

now when nadia asked you to spend a day with valerius, you did not anticipate the forever drinking man to be so.. so.. so sassy.

i mean who could refuse nadia? portia came scrambling in as you finished speaking with nadia when the redhead announced the early arrival of some foreign ambassador the countess appraised your company and asked that you entertain her's for a while.

now honestly, you'd rather let them scream at each other until they lost their voices. neither of them got along, asra once dismissed himself, but the nadia's hopeful eyes were hard to ignore.

portia was silently thanking you a thousand times over as she trailed behind the countess.

when the courtiers got wind of this?

you? entertain them?

all of them scrambled for an excuse to be elsewhere. everyone except valerius.

"well? you heard the countess." he raised a brow, motioning to the door making the wine in the same hand violently jolt in it's glass. "entertain me."

you had to grit your teeth. bite your cheek. curl your fists. anything to keep from snapping on this arrogant son of a—

"are you going to stand there?" valerius shook his head unimpressed that his needs were not met. "if standing around is all you're good for, now that you've gone and defeated—"

"listen here, you pompous piece of palace trash." there went your restraint. words were flying fast and not a thought in your head would stop you from giving this man a piece of your mind. "the only reason you're here, valerius, is because nadia took pity on your drunk ass. you're lucky that asra stopped lucio from dragging you down with him because if it were me? i would have dropped you like a bag of dirt. entertain. yourself."

the audience in your head was applauding you for a flawless rebuttal to valerius. you were storming towards the door and already planning how you would unwind after dealing with him. honestly, the nerve of that guy—

a hand shut the door you had begun to open. fear spiked at your nerves. for a moment you forgot who you were and the identity of the person behind you. striking up an ounce of bravery, you followed the hand over your shoulder to valerius.

now.. you would expect a furious courtier. the smell of nectar and a sweet floral scent filled your nose that would have put anyone to ease, but the bitter trails of alcohol were a sharp reminder of who you had pissed off.

but upon seeing valerius at ease, you didn't know what to expect. he raised a brow, a tiny smirk on his face upon meeting your wide eyes.

"if i had been lucio moments ago that little outburst of yours would have you banished from the palace walls in a second."

you wanted to tell him that you'd purposely give him food poisoning, but the clarity of his silvern irises rendered you speechless. especially when he leaned in until he was a breath away.

"but it's a good thing i'm not him." he whispered, staring into your glimmering eyes.

there was a moment of stillness. valerius staring into your eyes and you trying to figure out why you didn't want to rip him apart for invading your personal space. but then it was gone.

he was gone. turning his back to you and skillfully picking up a few bottles of wine and an old glass in another. one moment you could taste the sweet aroma on his breath and another he was back to you.

"come along, magician." valerius raised a brow to you, peering over his shoulder with a smirk. "why don't we disappear for awhile? it'd be a shame for you to have an episode in front of the countess."

disappear?

your eyes widened. no way. he couldn't have— could he? you chased after valerius, running through the door after him, "was that a pun?!"

valerius rolled his eyes as you both walked down a hallway and off the veranda into the garden. it was then you realized that the path valerius was taking through the garden was one you were unfamiliar with.

you reached for valerius, clinging to his arm as you glanced around at the different part of the garden where valerius was taking you. he only smirked, never sparing a glance as stopped in front of rusted iron gates that towered over the both of you.

"valerius, if you even think of assassinating me—"

valerius let out something of a laugh before glancing over at you, "obviously the palace magician isn't aware of the previous count's cellar."

"lucio couldn't have—"

"as much as lucio would like to claim this masterpiece, this is far too classy for his tastes."

you fought a laugh, watching as he pulled out a gilded wooden key and unlocked the giant doors.

valerius ushered you inside and closed the door, unaware of how you'd suddenly looked doe-eyed when you'd begun to take in your surroundings.

plush pillows and blankets were set over every inch of the floor. shades of maroon and magenta set out in the floor while floating candles lit themselves up upon valerius muttering an incantation.

"it's amusing that you consider yourself important enough to be assassinated." valerius called, plopping down on a large black pillow much too big to be for just one person.

"and i suppose you are?" you scoffed, raising a brow as you took one of the bottles from valerius and sitting next to him on the blankets.

he set a hand on his chest as he set down wine bottles, "vesuvia would weep for me."

"i would weep for vesuvia if historians thought you were important enough to be assassinated." you snorted, opening the wine bottle so the cork flew past his head.

in turn, valerius mirrored you except his cork hit you square in the forehead. he chuckled at the horrified look you gave him.

in favor of preserving your honor, you chucked one of the pillows behind you and it landed square in valerius's face. he sat up in time to see you on your back, laughing at the way his face contorted with disgust, but upon seeing you smiling he couldn't help but smirk a little.

he handed you a bottle and you took it wondering what on earth made his lips turn up in the slightest.

"i didn't know you could smile, valerius."

"I didn't know the palace magician could have fun." he shot you smile, gilded eyes watching you from over the rim of his glass.

"you never asked." you teased, wrapping your lips around the bottle's rim and dipped your head back to let the sweet liquid sliver down your throat.

if you'd been looking you would have seen valerius nearly drop his wine glass while he stared.

his eyes focused on the length of your neck before trailing up to the wine that trickled from the side of your mouth. valerius tore his eyes away from you so he could gather his thoughts as he stared into his own glass.

"if you keep drinking, you're going to end up drunk." he rolled his eyes, relaxing into the pillows behind him.

he wasn't expecting a weight to come crashing down on the pillows to his right. his eyes snapped open and his head snapped over to find you with your legs propped on his and raising a brow at him.

"are you—"

"why don't you like me?" he nearly choked on his spit.

he met your brillaintly dilated eyes and nearly swore aloud for it. every time he found himself staring at them he would nearly forget what he was thinking.

you crossed your arms, waiting for an answer. with your hair messed up and how you laid back with that bottle of wine...

he found his thoughts dipping into the gutter.

"p-pardon?" he asked, opting for switching his glass for the bottle to take a nice long drink.

"why don't you like me?" you repeated without missing a beat.

valerius set his bottle down while he gathered his thoughts and waited for you to continue.

"you're always nitsticking me—"

"nitpicking."

"see?!" you pointed your bottle at him and his lips puckered when he realized that he'd proved your point. "then you're always looking down your nose at me. so tell me, consul~"

he watched you climb up so you sat up beside him. valerius tried so desperately to maintain eye contact, but with the alcohol in his system and the delicious warmth radiating off you- it was becoming a challenge.

"why don't you like me?"

he scoffed, taking your bottle and nearing your face with the slightst smirk. "i'm like that with everyone, darling."

you snatched the bottle from his lips and before he could ground something out, you were straddling his lap and pushing him back by his chest as you took a swing.

he swallowed when you never broke eye contact with him. one of his hands curling around yours that pressed to his chest before yanking.

you went falling forward and valerius' lips caught yours, drinking down the wine from your lips before pulling back to look at your flustered expression.

wine trickled down the side of his mouth and he grinned, flipping you on your back before standing up. "despite how very alluring you are, i propose we reconvene after we're both sober, yes?"

valerius helped you to your feet and promptly guided you out of the cellar upon hearing the guards calling for you.

you couldn't help, but watch as valerius locked up the cellar with the same pointed look as always except there was a tiny pull upward at the corner of his lips.

"i'm surprised you didn't we didn't wine, dine, and—"

you were cut off by his chuckle and his hand caressing your cheek, leaning into you. "obviously, you've had too much to drink."

"so you're into me then, consul valerius?"

a mischevious smile on his face before he waved his hand and let out the most dramatic sigh. "i suppose it's the pretty face that got me."

he turned meeting your eyes, the sharp gaze making your breath hitch. especially when he extended a hand towards you.

"but you can't say that's what drew you to me." his fingers looped with yours and tugged you to walk beside him.

"i think~" you sang, spinning in his arms as the sunset flitted over the gardens. "it was the wine."

valerius rolled his eyes and pressed a kiss to your knuckles before you parted to join the guards waiting for you at the veranda.

"until next time, valerius."

you were halfway up the stairs when he called you back.

underneath the moonlight, arms crossed over his chest as he gave a teasing smile. even in the wine stained robes, he seemed most radiant as he stared upon you.

"next time, we dine first."

a giddy feeling bubbled in your chest and you couldn't stop yourself from smiling then. maybe valerius was the cranky, ill-tempered consul.

but he could be.. pleasant when he wanted to.